Wanted: Treadmill for an Elephant

Maggie, the 22 year-old African elephant, has been a resident of the Alaska Zoo since 1983. The Zoo recently decided that Maggie needs nicer quarters, more attention, and a treadmill. She weighs 9,100 pounds and does not get enough exercise, especially during the long Alaskan winter months.

Alaska Zoo officials debated this past year about whether to keep Maggie. She has been the only elephant in the zoo since 1997 when her companion of 14 years, Annabelle, died. Some experts believe that in order to be healthy and happy a zoo elephant should be part of a small herd of 3 or more.

The Zoo's elephant committee decided that the risks of moving Maggie out of state and of totally changing her life were too great. Besides, she seems happy here and she has a familiar "herd" in Alaska already. Numerous Zoo officials, animal handlers and exercisers, and familiar frequent visitors spend many hours a day with her.

In order to increase Maggie's comfort and health, zoo officials decided to give Maggie's living quarters softer flooring and better ventilation. Zoo staff will also increase the number of hours that they spend with Maggie from 8 hours daily to 12 to 16 hours daily.

Finally, the Zoo will help Maggie get more year-round exercise and lose weight. They will purchase an elephant-sized treadmill. However, nobody has ever designed or built an elephant treadmill. Designs are being developed now, but if you have any good ideas bring them forward.

Then stand in line behind me to watch Maggie work out on her new treadmill.

Can you imagine the elephant-sized headphones and iPod that she'll need?

*****************************

Garry Gamber is a public school teacher and entrepreneur. He writes articles about real estate, health and nutrition, and internet dating services. He is the owner of http://www.Anchorage-Homes.com and http://www.TheDatingAdvisor.com.

Slain West Bloomfield teen remembered with humor, tears Detroit Free Press Pallbearers bring the casket of slain teen Jonathan Hoffman out from the Ira Kaufman Chapel in Southfield after his funeral Tuesday. / PHOTOS BY REGINA H. BOONE/DETROIT FREE PRESS By Tammy Stables Battaglia Mourners hug after the funeral. and more »

Review: 'February House' is a fresh, humorous musical about 1940s commune with ... Washington Post The true story of this early 1940s international literary commune has been beautifully fictionalized for the stage in a fresh, humorous musical tapestry called “February House.” The imaginative, beguiling production that opened Tuesday night ... and more »

Humor Me: When cancer became an afterthought Lake County Record-Bee by Kevin N. Hume Until Saturday, I had almost forgotten my father was diagnosed with prostate cancer just about four years ago. I was covering the Relay for Life event at Clear Lake High School. I had never been to the event before. As I walked around, ... and more »

Palm Beach Post

Joe Philbin says (with good humor) that he, not Stephen Ross, will decide ... Palm Beach Post Dolphins coach Joe Philbin says he, not owner Stephen Ross, will pick the team's starting QB from the group of Ryan Tannehill (17), Matt Moore (8) and David Garrard. By Brian Biggane DAVIE — A day after Dolphins owner Stephen Ross said he expects Matt ... and more »

Introducing Humor to an Expensive Fight Over Cigarettes ABC News (blog) “I support big tobacco because they killed my wife. And that's one less mouth to feed.” That's a line from a new parody commercial set to be shown during the “Dancing With the Stars” finale tonight, put together by advocates in California who are ... and more »

The Grand Rapids Press - MLive.com

Review: 'The Addams Family' musical finds humor in macabre twists on modern life The Grand Rapids Press - MLive.com Much of the humor is the predictable macabre twist on everyday life, and the dialogue is often choppy, bare bones, but the show has some moments of innovation that really soar. One of the best scenes is when Uncle Fester (Blake Hammond) sings a love ...

Theater Review: Humor spices a bittersweet 'Romance' Press Herald He turns on the charm with humor and persistence. The slightly younger Carol is at first reluctant to take him seriously. But she ultimately falls for the romantic Ralph and his tales of the "big emotions" of opera and the singing career he almost had.

Cincinnati.com

Red Skelton's humor coming to Madeira church Cincinnati.com He was amused by the comedian's fanciful routines, including the pantomime humor of Freddy the Freeloader, the nonsensical wisdom of Clem Kadiddlehopper and whimsical lore of the crosseyed seagulls, Gertrude and Heathcliff. Skelton, a onetime circus ...

Ballet presents 'Cinderella'--and humor, too San Jose Mercury News The humor Ryken refers to comes courtesy of Cinderella's interactions with her two wicked stepsisters and equally unfriendly stepparents. "In some professional companies they'll use two men to play the stepsisters, which is very Shakespearean," Ryken ...

Gapers Block

Humor Me Podcast #1: Kelsie Huff Gapers Block By Nellie Huggins Humor Me Podcast is what happens when you get one comedy nerd and her friends together before, after and during shows and events. Each month, I will crash my talented friends and peers and force them to talk with me about, well, ...